You know when something happens and you get annoyed for some reason…and then usually the annoyed feeling goes away after a few minutes and you get on with your life….yeh… well sometimes i worry things annoy me way more than normal…things that aren’t even ‘annoying’ things…

The ‘Arguing for the sake of it’ approach

I rang to change some train tickets:

Ticket Man: What is your name?
Me: The tickets are booked under Sue Theaker
Man: Is that you?
Me: No
Man: Who is she?
Me: My mum
Man: Then i have to speak to her
Me: She’s not here, but she paid under my name, with my card and the tickets are for me
Man: I can’t see that on my system so i have to speak to Sue
Me: but i could have just pretended to be Sue
Man: Yes but you didn’t
Me: Fine, so i’ll ring back in 10 minutes and say my name is Sue Theaker and you’ll do it?’
man: No cos i’ll know
Me: yeh but i might get someone else in the call centre and they won’t know
Man: That is not the point
Me: so it’s ok for my mum to use a credit card that doesn’t belong to her to pay for stuff over the phone, but you won’t speak to me cos i have the the wrong name?!
Man: yes
Me: goodbye

The ‘Just plain irrational’ approach

We went to an air show the other day (in Gloucestershire) and while we were waiting on the coach to come home, I saw there was a Belgian coach waiting… It was 6.30 pm by this time and I became irrationally concerned about how the Belgians were going to get home before bed time….to the point where I kept firing questions at Neil ‘do you think the coach is going all the way back tonight?’ ‘Will they be able to sleep on the coach?’ ‘Maybe they will stay at a hotel in England tonight?’ ‘Maybe they are coming back to the air show tomorrow?’. Of course Neil couldn’t answer any of my questions and he is used to my obsessive weirdness so he mainly ignored me. Then I realised I had let the plight of the Belgian tourists stress me out far more than I should have and the fact that there were all these unanswered questions going around in my head for NO LOGICAL REASON made me so mad.

The ‘i really should just shut my mouth’ approach

One time in the gym….I was doing some crunches (people who know me, know i don’t do the gym for fun..), and an instructor came over and told me I was doing it wrong and shouldn’t be holding my head. Instead of just smiling and nodding like a normal person…i got freakishly annoyed with the man and proceeded to tell him that my head would fall off if i didn’t hold it and that my neck is too weak for crunches and that he should be glad i am even at the gym in the first place and if he didn’t go away and leave me alone i would leave.

The Overreaction 

Then there was the time i was on holiday with the girls…in spain… and on our first night in the hotel we got told off for being a bit too loud… we weren’t really being that loud to be honest but fair enough…we shut up. The security guard who told us off seemed to have a personal vendetta against us for the rest of the holiday however and a few days later when we were all fast asleep he cam banging on the door. I got up to answer the door cos i was sleeping in the loungy bit of our room. The guard said “I’ve told you girls before, please keep the noise down”…i stared at him, looked down at my PJs, and full on shouted…’FOR GOD’S SAKE (i think i mighta said something worse than this but i don’t like to commit swearing to text) MAN…YOU HAVE JUST WOKEN ME UP TO TELL ME TO BE QUIET, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE WERE DOING, HAVING A SLEEP WALKING PARTY!!!’ whereby the man looked startled and my friend came running over to restrain me and assure the man i wasn’t mentally unstable.

I fear I could go on…




To be thin…or to be happy?

“So diets are all well and good (well i say that… i’m pretty sure 99% of them don’t work) but i really really hate it when people feel the need to tell me about said diets. I mean, i’m happy for you i really am….but please don’t make me feel bad for eating cake. I like cake.”

This was me last year. This year i am the fattest i’ve ever been. Don’t get me wrong i am not exactly fat…but i look in the mirror and i’m not entirely happy either so i figured that’s bad. Ironic really cos for the last 3 years my appearance is the only think i have liked about myself… now i am less depressed and more jolly (which is GREAT) but just a tiny bit fat. OHHH life is a BASTARD sometimes! (Disclaimer: I am actually very lucky in my life and I should just shut my face…but its all relative)

N bought me a 1950s pin-up photoshoot for my birthday where they do you hair and make up and give you clothes and then you get lots of photos done. It’s for two…and my first thought was ‘it’s ok i’ll just take an ugly friend!’…but alas, all my friends are genuinely beautiful – bitches! Sooo i am having to resort to exercise and a diet. Well my version of a diet anyway.

My version of a diet is a weekday (and sundays) only diet. I mean come on..if you can’t enjoy yourself (i.e eat…that is mainly how i get my enjoyment) on a saturday then what is the point?! So sunday-friday, I have porridge for breakfast, soup and salad (no dressing) for lunch and fish and veg (no potatoes) for tea….that’s hardly anything right!? Also me and a friend get up at 6.15AM EVERY WEEKDAY (well most of em…at least 3 or 4) to go to the gym and it’s made no difference whatsoever!! Well… maybe a bit…but i am really impatient and i fully expected to look like a model by now.

I did a study at work last year on sedentary behaviour…they were trying to suggest that we should all use standing desks and live happily ever after….basically they took loads of measurements, like height, weight, waist measurement, cholesterol, glucose, BMI, fat % and then made us wear monitors for a couple of weeks and measure our steps…and they gave us standing desks. My measurements were all very depressing… my weight and BMI were fine but apparently i am fat on the inside (fat % too high), and my ‘bad’ cholesterol is too high (that’ll be the cheese, but quite frankly i’d rather die than give up cheese).  So anyway after 6 weeks of wearing monitors, and recording steps etc etc they did the measurements again. Absolutely zero improvement…apart from i am now 2cm shorter  (this in itself makes me suspicious of scientific studies). Don’t get me wrong, this was entirely my fault, because unlike the other participants, i was not at all motivated by the step counter and did not go out for a run at 10pm if i hadn’t made my 10,000 target (i average 9000 a day anyway without trying!)…in fact if anything it made me more defiant and lazy….which in turn made me depressed and angry at myself….so i ate more no doubt.

I am not a scientist and do not profess to know anything about running scientific studies, but if their point was to measure how ‘good’ standing desks are…i assumed they would monitor how long we used them for… They didn’t and consequently i used mine very little (it hurt my back and my feet and made me feel like i was going to pass out…also it is impossible to concentrate standing up….and i like to be as close to the floor as possible where it’s safe….in fact i think i’d be fine without a desk at all)

I asked them if their study took into account different behaviours and the physiological impact of what they were doing on participants…they said no, so i suppose i have to understand that i am just the exception to the rule and should not read too much into it. On the plus side…since i have no longer been involved in the study, i have lost weight and am far more healthy…..and i did my photoshoot….and after the initial ‘oh my god this is soo cringe i want to die’ it was awesome.