Apparently these are the three things you need to have to be assertive. as opposed to aggression, passivity and manipulation…
I went on an assertiveness course once and despite being very skeptical about the whole thing it was actually quite interesting. Apparently the first hurdle is learning to love and respect yourself (i feel this may be my first and last hurdle) and then make your feelings known in a clear and constructive way (helps if you can formulate verbal sentences quickly…)
i enjoyed the course…not only because i got to shout at someone and call them stupid but because it made me realise that there are people in the world who think vaguely – emphasis on the vaguely, in the same way as me.
I spend a lot of my time in meetings sitting in silence getting annoyed at stuff…until eventually i explode. usually internally, meaning i run off and cry somewhere..this is not only unproductive but it makes me feel shit (you think i’d learn). The alternative is that i go off on a rant at someone and throw my toys out of the pram…equally unproductive…and people think i’m a twat. Assertive lady tells me this is normal…i find that a bit hard to believe, but i humored her and enjoyed a bit of role play with my fellow nutters. The role play included attempting to push over one of my colleagues and carrying a tray of cups across a room whilst everyone shouted at me. I also had to pretend to be really aggressive and shout at the course leader and tell her she was stupid and talking rubbish (This proved to be extremely satisfying, and i worry i could get too into it). Having discussed this with the instructor afterwards, we concluded that i am probably quite an aggressive person (not sure i’m happy with this description) but that i aim my aggressive solely at myself and consequently feel generally shit all of the time.
I thought i’d learnt some stuff when i came out, about how not to take shit from people… but the following convo probs suggests otherwise:
Annoying Man: I’ve just bought a new car
Me: oh really, what kind?
Annoying Man: oh you won’t understand, but its big, noisy and red
Me: ooo red, i like red
‘oo red, i like red’ – REALLY??!!